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Ami Yuy

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[04 May 2002|04:19pm]
Ok, this is now my journal. You can find Todd at this place

I'm not mad at him anymore, but I just wanted to inform you. Please go there and add him.

Sincerely, ME!
1 gave you the strength to never give up++ lost in the vision of love

ok just wanted to try this everyone [10 Mar 2002|02:16pm]
ami happy birthday sincerely heero
lost in the vision of love

[28 Feb 2002|12:34am]
Well again i feel like shit thinking certain people are beating around the bush. I am so fucking worried that tommorow everyone i know is just gonna hate me that i really wanna end it all right here seriously i don't even like myself anymore. My dads comeing home i think if i can get a fuckin spine tommorow i'm just gonna run god when the people i like are not around life seems so fucking bland i would no thave a lif eif it were not fo rmy friends i am just so pathetic. Watching this movie ghost world i can actually relate to the loser in the movie thats how pathetic i am. I keep hopeing for something certain yet im so afraid of change.I feel so fucking paranoid around strangers its not that i think there gay its that i know for a fac tthere gonna think i'm gay so i just keep my mouth shut. Lisa wa shere earlier i do not know i had fun but afterwards the feeling goes away its just when im alone and when i'm within the frequency of strangers that i feel my life has no meaning this is all bullshit im rambleing on about and i probably should just keep my mouth shut but i really do not care toi am not even gonna take a freaking shower im just going to bed i hope i dont wake up please something take me from this fucking emtiness i feel all the goddamn time well heheheh im a loser night night people oh wai ti guess i could leave a poem and like drop a quiz in this one just something fun to read other than my normal bullshit ok lets do the poem first
step inside my vacant face see something you shouldent see always quick to look at me always quick to turn the other cheek darekness fills the air i breathe a rotting corpse my fat i see open up the door to hell i need to rest from this place im so hostile i could kill take me away from this fucking disgrace sitting on a cliff analiseing wha tthe fuck is this i wish i were dead and gone people woulod be so relieved this poems going nowhere accept for where all my other poems go well i will stop with the gay ass shit and go to be dnow night everyone not like im speaking ot anyone
2 gave you the strength to never give up++ lost in the vision of love

[26 Feb 2002|01:38am]
Well it has come to this i am so paranoid that i can not even stand myself. And i can not end it for fear o fdeath but every day i await it it seems so far away. I can always remember for the longest time just how retarded i really have been and how selfish i really am. I wish i were gone i do no earthly good and probably cuase others a slight annoyance and a great deal of pain, I looked in to my mothers eyes tonight and saw pain and nothing else but that it hurt to see the people that i greatfully deny careing about in complete and udder pain like i am. I am surrounded by people who are in lots of pain and it always seems like im never able to help them what fucking goood am i. My dads comeing back i feel sorry for him i just i can not live with him. the phrase life is precious i have come to conclude is wrong i can only think now how depressed society is and how bad its really gotten for all of us. I grew up where mistakes were sins and imperfections were an upset I can only look at people today and cry fo rit hurts to see so many people without souls heartless . I try so hard to be there for everyone and i have been beaten down my eyes are weary from seeing so much destruction i never thought when i was 4 that by the time i was 17 i would be holding a knife to my wrist sliceing it to see if i was dead yet sometimes i wake up and wonder if im still alive i wake and want to go back to sleep again i do not want to deal with the day i relize that i am a hard person to live with and truley understand that now Not knowing what the next days gonna bring fearing that i will feel the same in the morning. I used to be so cute and innocents but what was then is now replaced with hatred and depression i remember nestleing in my mothers arms as she rocked me to sleep and thats the last time i ever was completley happy. Seeing so many people vanish right befor emy eyes and leave my life every second is terrifieng to me i am awake now only in fear of what will happen tommoro wi wish i could find that same comfort once again somebodsy holding me and telling me thast as long as there around everything will be alright i wish i could find some answers something certain why does certainty exist if nothing is fo rcertain why was i tuaght to think this way i know my problems are petty and will probably mean nothing ot anyone else iw an tyou asll to know i love you and that i always have but a fish can not survive without water and i can not survive without sacrifice none of this is makeing any sense im wicked tired and sorry to bother you all but i love you guys and i have to thank ami whos been like a mother to me i will miss her when she decides to leave but if its for the best than so be it goodnight im getting all gay now bye
lost in the vision of love

[23 Feb 2002|11:48pm]
To lisa i kinda know you wanna ignore me i don't know why but this seems to happen every time we become friends so this time i do not care anyways other thatn that. I have a poem don't like it don't comment.
I can not stand in one place and make it an island and i can not stand in your face and here all the viloence so i slip further and further in to my silence asylum of the dead. I can not comprehend your methods you always seem so wreckless and i can not be your neckless your guidance anymore three shots to the head with viloence i fall to the floor. I can see inside your eye lids in to your subconsence I do not commend your selfishness its juyst another weakness of yours. For i am not speaking to anyone except my inner soul that lies lifeless on the floor. Three mor ewords out of your mouth and im out the door. Boy would i like to leave slip right off my sleeve always in the wrong place to be always a vacancey insid eof me always a trust that is broken always a life thats been stolen always a cobweb or two to through thier my veins filled with black blood and eyes filled with stare always a certain emptiness inside of me always a reasonwhy i ant sleep theres always a door to the other side of me people can secretly step inside and get a hold on my pride and rip it streaight through my back side oh shit theres my soul laying on the grtound did i die oh crap to bad another useless life it snot like i give a fuck tonight its not like anyone cares if im alive i start a revalution in my mind from all the vilolence i hide inside hopeing someday i will die sooner thje better the quicker the letter of the suicide note lef ton my chair the three day whineing period of my peers like hey give a shit oh did i just express i t i dont give a shit man im already dead fuck this
well there it is goodnig ht im facking tired work sucked i have a major headache and i do not feel like writeing anymore so yeha night
lost in the vision of love

[22 Feb 2002|11:55am]
Suicidal fridays ill mean nothing when im gone.
The tip of the blade on my face is strong.
I see nothing i hear nothing what thew fuck is going on?
As a tear drops my heart stops and i bleed.
I feel like my soul is eating me.
Always told to shut up and take it like a man.
i got things on my consiounse i can not stand.
So i sit hear with a knife in my hand.
And at this point in time happiness seems so bland.
suicidal fridays i wish everything would go away and the sileance would stop.
Never getting my way always sacrificeing my face for someone elses plots.
Suicidal intentions run through my veins and the suspension of everything grows strong.
suicidal fridays when i ignored everytthint that was going wrong.
But im sure ill be a three day memory so suicidal fridays wont be for very long.
passed away fridays is now the title of this poem.
1 gave you the strength to never give up++ lost in the vision of love

[19 Feb 2002|08:18pm]
Well folks i had a pretty interesting day. I wen tto the mall with ami and that was sweet we brang a dead baby along with it and hung it. I got some hair dye ium gonna dye my hair red. I go to help ami pick out some clothes that were the bomb digityt yo and got to watch her get her hair cut and then we went to harass the animals. Theres something about the amon saga that makes me slightly intrested in it can anyone tell me if its good? Well and after are fun filled day something always has to ruin it and i end up feeling like a big asshole and i was sorta displeased with the amount of immaturity i dispensed today it really makes me upset but i dont know i just get so hyper. Fashion time people makeover wow i was so gay today gods i haste myself so much i do not think anyone else thinks highly of me ethier. Well bye everyone as i go off to get in to a fight with my mother of course ill be wanting to die by the end of the night bye.
lost in the vision of love

[19 Feb 2002|08:12pm]
Well folks i had a pretty interesting day. I wen tto the mall with ami and that was sweet we brang a dead baby along with it and hung it. I got some hair dye ium gonna dye my hair red. I go to help ami pick out some clothes that were the bomb digityt yo and got to watch her get her hair cut and then we went to harass the animals. Theres something about the amon saga that makes me slightly intrested in it can anyone tell me if its good? Well and after are fun filled day something always has to ruin it and i end up feeling like a big asshole and i was sorta displeased with the amount of immaturity i dispensed today it really makes me upset but i dont know i just get so hyper. Fashion time people makeover wow i was so gay today gods i haste myself so much i do not think anyone else thinks highly of me ethier. Well bye everyone as i go off to get in to a fight with my mother of course ill be wanting to die by the end of the night bye.
lost in the vision of love

hey everyone im posting [16 Feb 2002|11:54pm]
Ok this was gonna be my cool post you know the one you post after you have not posted for a long time. But unfortunatley folks. One i have alot of things i wan tto say but can cuase everyone would probably pms on me but its alright when they do it. Two worked sucked i seriously just kept like swallowing the fucking rubble and the guys i work with are so immature i was about ready to take a knife and stab one of them.Enough with the counting anyways feeling distant and fake.Tired and got a headache. Feeling like certain people dont like me as much as they use to. Feeling like people could care less about me. And to any of you who want to fucking bitch me out about this post fine i do not really care anymore i used to but t his is my godamn journal do not like it take me off your friends list.Im becomeing really afraid to talk to people yet i want the ones i love near. I am so confused today i dident take any of my pills and i have not felt more worse in my life. Maybey i should just stop takeing them. No school for a week though yayyyyyyyyy i hate that fucking school.I might go to amandas tommorow that would be nice im gonna buy some depends for little trunks lol im not funny rolls eyes.Im gonna go to bed now have not hing else to say goodnight.
lost in the vision of love

[26 Jan 2002|12:34am]
quizzes/dariaquiz.html" target="new">
</a>

When the term "slacker" was coined, they must have had Trent in mind. Trent spends most of his time playing guitar in, and writing songs for, his band.
lost in the vision of love

[15 Jan 2002|09:33pm]



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lost in the vision of love

[15 Jan 2002|04:34pm]
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lost in the vision of love

[05 Jan 2002|10:30pm]
top 5 best friends:
1:ami
2:phil
3:lisa
thats all i ave aint i queer
top 5 worst enemies:
1:my father
2:mr creteau
3:myself
4:society
5:getting up
top 5 fav actors:
1:vegeta or whoever plays him
2:edward norton
3:paul walker
4:ahmit zappa
5:brad pitt
top 5 fav actresses:
1:neve campbell
2:bulma briefs
3:chirstin dunnz
4:tom green
5:martha stewart
top 5 fav movies
1:dogma
2:rounders
3:thirteen ghosts
4: good will hunting
5:the green mile
top 5 fav tv series
1:magic users club
2:dragon ball z
3: gundam wing
4:happy days
5:er
top 5 music artists
1:weezer
2:lynkon park
3:gorillas
4:tomato facotory x
5:dream theater
top 5 videos games
1: shadow of destinyt
2:chrono cross
3:final fantasy 9
4:tony hawk pro skater three
5: star ocean
thats it fuckers im done posting fo rthe night
4:
1 gave you the strength to never give up++ lost in the vision of love

[03 Jan 2002|02:06am]
one last entry becuase i have to get this out all the trust all the care aall the help that i once had all the love and the happiness i can no longer feel it anymore its gone if you want to talkt o me you may just dont expect me to ever say anything anymore i was sitting with my mother tonight and she was talking to me and i just couldent answer her at all and she tried talking to me later and i couldent answer her at all i think ive gone mute well goodbye everyone
lost in the vision of love

[03 Jan 2002|01:44am]
DisorderRating
Paranoid:Very High
Schizoid:Low
Schizotypal:Very High
Antisocial:High
Borderline:Very High
Histrionic:Very High
Narcissistic:High
Avoidant:Very High
Dependent:Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive:High

-- Click Here To Take The Test --

well you guys wanna know how fucked up i am here it is in plain english i have no one to blame but myself well doesent matter anymore i dont matter anymore i know that for sure now whatever goodbye
1 gave you the strength to never give up++ lost in the vision of love

[03 Jan 2002|12:29am]
seriously i dont care dont fucking post if you dont want to my thoughts are my thoughts and it helps me to put them out somewhere i choose here for once and i guess it wasent a very good discision becuase it doesent matter im on the edge once again now once again im going to go do the only thing that feels right anymore and hope the hell i cut deep enough to die im sure no one would care in the morning im sure they could give a fuck less and i really dont care and if i knew how to block this entry out i would but i dont so fucking live with it but im done tommorow im deleting this like i said before and getting a notepad or something goodbye
lost in the vision of love

[02 Jan 2002|09:18pm]
i think amis getting really sick of me for some reason maybey she just doesent want to talk anymore i dont know well if i did know i would feel shit loads better i feel so distant from her amd everyone else its like no one wants to even see my face anymore and im without a motive to live just i dont know im pathetic you all probably think im pathetic and i weouldent be suprised if you all hated me im deleting this whole fucking thing tommorow and im going to fucking get a private journal then none of you will have to hear from me or see my fucking ugly face ever again bye
1 gave you the strength to never give up++ lost in the vision of love

[01 Jan 2002|06:08pm]
ami was right about everything she says to me no one really cares and i definitly could give as shit less about myself so yeah and all of those who are reading this im not looking for any grief anymore or for you to feel sorry for me anymore becuase i know its only temporary my moms dieing haaaa im just starting to relize alot of things i could have done better im a bad person and an awful friend my best friend is fadeing away from me well its what it feels like and so is my life i dont feel like i exist anymore i need to be alone for awhile with my thoughts my life doesent feel the same latley well im just rambleing im such a dick fucker my dads not comeing back hes going to live with penny and i feel like im gonna cry sleep it off thats what ineed to do just im probably gonnnas go sleep in a bit and not wake up for a long time if only i could do that welll goodbye everyone
2 gave you the strength to never give up++ lost in the vision of love

[24 Dec 2001|01:06am]
i love that hamster two plus im only typeing with on ehand and boy does that hampster have a fat ass wow he or she is a young fine thing and should back thaty thing up ok party people talk to you all tommorow im hitting the snooze button
lost in the vision of love

[24 Dec 2001|01:06am]
i love that hamster two plus im only typeing with on ehand and boy does that hampster have a fat ass wow he or she is a young fine thing and should back thaty thing up ok party people talk to you all tommorow im hitting the snooze button
lost in the vision of love

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